In the excitement of romance, it can be easy to believe that two strangers can fall in love at first sight. But is love at first sight real?
You are at a party and look around. 1, 2, 3… 5, the heart suddenly lost a beat. Your eyes lit up, your mind throbbed like fireworks. Those are exactly the manifestations of your being hit by “love lightning”.
Maybe that is also the prospect of many people looking forward to a chance meeting with the other half. Although it sounds like a fairy tale, the reality is completely different.
Love or lust?
What is love? There can be many different definitions of love. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, love is ” an intense feeling for another person arising from a kinship or personal relationship ,” while a team of scientists from Rutgers University, New Jersey, suggests that love can be divided into three categories: lust, attraction, and attachment .
According to a study published in December 2017 in the Journal of the International Association for the Study of Relationships, “falling in love” or “falling in love at first sight” seems to stem from infatuation. want or desire to be “closer” more than true love .
While the hormones testosterone and estrogen, controlled by the amygdala – the area of the brain that regulates emotions – is responsible for desire, attraction is determined by the stress and reward centers – the nucleus accumbens and ventricles.
The neurotransmitters dopamine, noradrenaline, and cortisol are all active when a person feels attracted to someone. When it comes to attachment, oxytocin and vasopressin dominate.
Does “Lightning Love” really exist?
To date, there is relatively little scientific research related to determining whether “love lightning” really exists or not. The researchers used three types of research, including experiments, online surveys, and organized dating, including a quick date.
The above study involved 400 volunteers, most of them students in the Netherlands and Germany, with more than 500 meetings. The study asked participants to report each time they were “struck by lightning ,” then recorded how attractive they perceived their partner’s physical appearance. The researchers also asked participants to rate how they felt about intimacy, physical attractiveness, loyalty, infatuation and other concepts commonly associated with “target love real”.
The study found that 32 participants were hit 49 times by “love lightning” (meaning a lot of people didn’t experience this state). However, surveying the views on loyalty and intimacy, important parts of love, people with “love lightning” did not have a strong correlation. This result is not too surprising when “love lightning” often occurs with an object considered attractive in appearance.
“The experience of ‘love lightning’ is confirmed by high desire, not intimacy or fidelity. Physical attraction is highly likely to lead to ‘love lightning'” , the report said. of written research. “Therefore, we think that the “love thunder” is not a different kind of love, but a strong attraction at first sight or in retrospect, what some people call “the thunder of love”. love””.
Regarding the word “reminiscence” mentioned above, the researchers explain that many relationships, once successfully established, re-evaluate and ” couples can change the structure of their memories to tighten relationship”. So maybe they immediately saw their partner as an attractive object and definitely wanted to get to know that person more. A few years later, the above statement became that person “is the missing piece of my life”.
Love at first sight is often associated with “fairy love”.
Although the research results are completely opposite to what happens in “romance” novels and movies, some scientists, as well as experts, also seem to disagree with what is shown in movies. . Simply because they have seen too much evidence.
“Everyone wants to have strong feelings for their partner, but it’s precisely the biological response of lust and physical attraction that is released by hormones in the brain. This instant lust is often rapid. disappear when you let go of the attraction and get to know each other ,” explains Caitlin Bergstein, a matchmaker for couples in Boston. “To find true love, you have to know them well. You have to understand their intentions, understand their values, how they see the world, what are their future goals. Reactions and the bonds that create lasting love are things that take time to develop. So instant feelings for someone are not the norm for true love.”
Andrea Leiser, Bergstein’s colleague, agrees, and often advises her clients not to tie themselves to high expectations. “Many of my clients aren’t very attractive before the first date, and I would convince them to take the opportunity that fits their personalities and priorities,” she says . “I always tell clients that if they have a good first date, there’s bound to be at least one more date. Physical attraction and love grows as you get to know each other better. For example, when you see the other person being kind to strangers, playing with children or giving you a few surprises in the evening you will find them more attractive. For some people it takes time to grow up.”
Love is a mixed hormone?
A lot of people see love as a mixture of hormones secreted to give their nervous system a feeling of well-being and security.
“Love affects both mind and body in dramatic ways,” says Eric Ryden, clinical psychologist and couples therapist at Couples Therapy clinic in the UK . Along with euphoria and obsessive thoughts, there is an increase in the secretion of happiness hormones, mainly dopamine – associated with reward and pleasure – and oxytocin – sometimes called the love hormone because it is linked associated with feelings of warmth, love, and trust. As we saw earlier, these hormones tend to be higher during the attachment phase, rather than initial desire or attraction.”
Love or addiction?
The early stages of love can look like addiction, says Dr Deborah Lee, reproductive health expert and medical writer at Dr Fox Online Pharmacy in the UK: “Similar areas of the brain activate in both early love and cocaine addiction. When a lover is focused on their partner, they feel frantic, experience mood swings and euphoria, act obsessively and/or compulsively, and live in a distorted reality. and often become dependent on the other – in much the same way a person behaves when addicted to cocaine.”
This feeling eases as the relationship ages and the later stages of romantic love no longer mimic drug addiction, according to a 2016 study in the journal Frontiers in Psychology.
Lightning love is just lust and true love will come later.
Emotional status?
According to a 2012 article in the Journal of Neuroscience, memories can be altered as people recall them, often influenced by a person’s emotional state when they recall them. The next time someone recalls that same memory, it will be more distorted than the last time.
As a result, one’s perception of one’s partner and how someone might initially feel about them can be distorted by current feelings for them. So while people may think it’s love at first sight, that may not be true.
In addition to distorted recall, a person’s perception of their partner is generally positive or biased, due to a phenomenon known as ” positive delusions”.
A 2018 study in the journal Frontiers in Human Neuroscience suggests that the happiest couples are those who look at each other through “pink lenses ,” have less conflict and suspicion, and increase relationship satisfaction. relationship.
Positive illusions can also fool people into thinking they’ve fallen in love from day one, when in reality it takes a longer time to get there.
