Love bombing involves excessive displays of love and affection with the intent to manipulate.
Having someone shower you with affection can feel fun and exciting when you’re in the beginning stages of a new relationship.
However, it can be important to distinguish the novelty of a new relationship from love bombing. Love bombing occurs when someone overwhelms you with loving words, actions, and behavior as a manipulation technique.
“Love bombing is when you essentially pay all of your attention to somebody at the beginning of a relationship you love. Bomb them,” says Gabe Howard, host of Inside Bipolar.
If you recognize some of the following behaviors, it doesn’t necessarily mean your partner is toxic. But you should listen to your intuition. If something your partner is doing doesn’t feel right, give it some thought.
They lavish you with gifts
Love bombing often involves over-the-top gestures, such as:
- sending inappropriate gifts to your job (dozens of bouquets instead of one)
- buying expensive plane tickets for a vacation
- taking you to expensive dinners multiple nights in a row
- not taking “no” for an answer
All of these things may seem harmless, but the point is to manipulate you into thinking you owe them something.
“Most often, love bombing is done by a narcissist with the intent of drawing in and gaining control over the person who is being love bombed,” says licensed professional counselor Tabitha Westbrook, LMFT.
This doesn’t mean that your partner cannot give you a gift here and there. But too much at once should raise alarms.
They can’t stop complimenting you
There is nothing wrong with the occasional compliment. If someone is expressing their undying love after just a short amount of time, it’s a potential red flag that their feelings aren’t genuine.
Some common, over-the-top phrases they might use include:
- “I love everything about you.”
- “I’ve never met anyone as perfect as you.”
- “You’re the only person I want to spend time with.”
These phrases aren’t necessarily harmful, but it’s important to consider them in the larger context of someone’s overall behavior.
“It’s often used to win over your trust and affection so that they can meet a goal of theirs,” explains Shirin Peykar, MA, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
They bombard you with phone calls and texts
While being in constant communication is normal when you’re first dating, it’s a red flag if the communication feels one-sided and becomes increasingly overwhelming.
Take note if they begin texting you early in the morning and every hour on the hour.
They want your undivided attention
When your focus isn’t on the other person, they might become angry. This can look like pouting when you’re on the phone with friends or refusing to leave after you say you have to be at work early the next day.
“True love does not want all your time and energy focused on them alone,” Westbrook emphasizes. “They respect other commitments, ideas, and boundaries.”
They try to convince you that you’re soulmates
If what they say sounds right out of a film, take heed, Westbrook notes. “Hollywood is great for entertainment, but true love and relationships don’t look like the movies.”
Some things they may say include:
- “We were born to be together.”
- “It’s fate that we met.”
- “You understand me more than anyone.”
- “We’re soulmates.”
They want commitment and they want it now
A love bomber might pressure you into rushing things and making big plans for the future. They’ll mention things like marriage or moving in together when you’ve only known each other a short while.
The thing to keep in mind, according to Westbrook, is that real relationships take time to develop. “It’s very unlikely the person really can love you more than anything in the world in 2 weeks. Or two days. Or 2 hours. Or even 2 months,” she explains.
They get upset when you place boundaries
When you try to tell them to slow down, they’ll continue to try to manipulate you to get what they want. Someone who legitimately cares, on the other hand, will respect your wishes and back off.
“Love bombers also get upset about any boundaries with regard to access to you or you accepting their displays of ‘love,’ says Westbrook. “It’s like a tsunami of affection and they expect you to accept it all.”
